The Waiting Game

Ah yes, patience. we all seem to struggle with it one time or another.

waiting is never fun. waiting can be painful. it can be frustrating. it can be depressing. it can be annoying. but it also can be good.

i am a very patient person. but sometimes, it can test my strength, my will and my weakness. it has challenged me too many times that it seems tiring. but when i see the aftermath, i understand. the sacrifice it takes, the hurt you endure and the outcome that answers everything.

we are born stubborn. we are created to crave. we are design to want. we are built to desire.

we are set by the norm to want, to rush, to grab quickly and to hurry. when we want, we want it now. we want instant results. we want immediate answers.

we are never a master in the waiting game.

recently, i have my patience tested. wanting something so much can be devastating. i couldn't comprehend. questions fill my head. blaming myself and others. and where did it get me? right where i started from. because i still have to wait. answers will come, the moment will happen. but i have to wait. and before i could understand, i need to let go.

its how far your faith goes and how much you want it that you are willing to risk and let go.

and so.. i let go..

its never easy. waiting is not fun. you wrestle with your thoughts and your emotions. asking yourself, "when will it happen? when will i get there?"

do we get our answer? no we don't. because in our head, it only process what we want to hear.. not what we must hear.

you will get there and it will happen. but we must realize that waiting is our journey to finding the worth of our existence. sometimes, waiting is the answer.

two of my best friends are in a battle of the waiting game. their spirit is being washed down. their faith is almost at the edge of shakiness. here i am battling my own waiting game, and i say to them.. "have patience, it will come. Have faith. It will happen in His time."

its not just an advice or a relief from their distress. i say it, i mean it. because i am going through with it. its not just a word of wisdom for them, but for myself as well.

everybody succumbs to the waiting game.  may it be in career, relationship, family or health. it can be big or it can be small. we tend to be fragile when we want what we want. we should allow the universe to work its way to the conclusion of our fate.

yes its a cliche, but i am saying it anyways.. Everything happens for a reason.

what you do not get, means there is bigger reward.  what you do not get yet, means a better learning journey. and what you do get, means that your wait was worth it.

so don't look at the waiting game as an agony, but as a gift. a gift that opens your mind to possibilities and opens your heart to the wonders of life. 

for every minute that passes, leads us to the steps of a stronger will. every day that counts, leads us to the steps of wisdom. and every wait that we do, leads us to the steps of fulfillment.

patience.
everyone has it but not everyone use it.
waiting is never fun but it is sure worth it.




~A

The Finish Line

alarm clock buzzing like crazy at 2:30am. i snoozed and slept for 5 minutes more. buzzing again. i snoozed. buzzing again. i have to get up. its 3am. this is it. no turning back. i set my mind on doing this. i am not backing out now.

i was supposed to go with a friend, but due to unavoidable circumstances she couldn't make it at the last minute. now i have to figure out how to get there on commute.. alone. i am starting to have second thoughts. will i go or will i stay home and sleep. the latter sounds more enticing. but no. i fought for this. i am going through with it.

dark out. eerie silence. all asleep on a 4am weekend and i am walking.

will i make it at 6am?.. thought racing in my head. not a lot of commuters on a weekend that early. i anxiously wait. finally, we are leaving. clock ticking. will i make it at 6am.. i have to, i have to.

it took me three jeepney rides to get to where i am supposed to be. but i made it at 6am!

now i know, God is with me.

looking back:  3 weeks ago, i sprained my right ankle while doing my usual night run. blame it on the puddle of water and rusty shoes. result, no running for 3 weeks.

after 2 weeks, i thought it will be healed. but as the doctor puts it, "no marathon for you." did i listen? obviously not.

people kept telling me not to go through with it.. and i was about to be convinced. but something inside me is saying.. Go!

the race begins: the sirens sound. off we go. first 50meters was a good trail. 1k came and i was in total panic. seeing the uphill rocky steps, i was starting to doubt myself if i could finish it. 3 weeks no running. not a good sign.

step by step i ran the course. i focused myself on my feet and the path. i didn't look uphill. my feet, that is my concern. do not slip. one wrong step and i am a goner.

rocks getting bigger. road getting muddier. uphill getting steeper by the minute. focus. focus. do not hurt yourself.

i reached the 2.5K uphill. now its downhill. this is going to be a breeze. so i thought. gravity is pulling much harder than it should. still the rocky, muddy trail. one wrong step and i'll be rolling my way down to the finish line. which i think doesn't count?

i ran. i ran as carefully but with more speed this time. trying to fight gravity as well. before i knew it, i can see the finish line from a distance. 

as runners make their way, marshals and organizers cheers on for every person nearing the finish line. it helped. a stranger telling you "go 5K runner! you can do it!" over and over again as you reached the line. and everyone else cheering you on. it helped.

i finished at 51 minutes and 43 seconds for the 5k (3.1 miles) run, without hurting myself.

for a clutz like me, it was a miracle.

realization: yes, i am stubborn. we have established that with my previous blogs. but i know, this one.. is a challenge.

you will never know unless you try.  and i can't wait for another marathon to come. my mind and body was set for this.

of course, the goal is to finish the race. in my case, completing the 5K.but i didn't know that i was running the race even before the day of the marathon.

in life, we all have a race to run. a marathon to endure. and a finish line to reach.

the finish line is the icing on the cake. the journey we battle, uphill and downhill is what brings essence to the pursuit of our goal.

my marathon start way long before i even sprained my ankle. and it challenged me to be stronger and more committed.

i have been to the rocky path, to the slippery decisions and to the muddy outcomes. but i endured. i focused on the step. i sprained my ego, but it healed. i fight through it with friends, even strangers, cheering me to go on. and sometimes i fight through it alone.

its never a smooth route to the finish line. even when you think it is. trails can be deceiving. people can be uninviting. but its how you ran the trail, the path, the course, the route.. the decision to move forward despite the negativity around. the conviction to pursue and complete. and the faith in yourself and to God.

i ran my marathon alone today, with no support from anyone. but i was not afraid, i was not devastated.

i know i have one Support that will carry me through all the way to the finish line.


~A

Impromptu

tic tac, tic tac. heart beating fast. pulse racing. hands sweating. knees trembling. tic tac, tic tac. and they call my name...

speaking to a group of people isn't really my forte. i look relaxed every time i am in front of a crowd, but i am not. i am a great pretender.

i am not a writer. and i am definitely not a public speaker. but as i am standing behind the podium, all eyes in my direction. a sudden calmness took hold of me.

this may not be my skills, but if this is part of my calling who am I to fight it.

story: it was a normal, boring, work day on a Thursday.  when i suddenly got a phone call from one of my best friend in a panic mode. she asked if i could speak to a bunch of college students in University of the Philippines Los Banos.

they have a film viewing of the indie movie entitled "NOY" which my friend's company co-produce. all i have to do was introduce the film before the actual showing takes place.

i tried my best to get away from it, but something is telling me to say Yes.  so i did.

there was a short script to read. i am good. i am safe. this will be easy. nothing to worry about. got the text of the script... in Tagalog. my friend is slowly trying to kill me, i just know it.

i keep convincing myself, "i can do this! i can do this!"

it was a short brief on what to expect when we get there. in the one hour drive, i restlessly process in my head the script that was given to read. as we near UPLB, its started to hit me. no turning back. this is real.

the student organizers greeted us with enthusiasm. as we walk to the main venue, entered the location, i immediately roam my eyes on the number of seats. yes, this is not a joke.

we were seated at the front. one of the student emcee approached us and asked for my information on how to be introduced. just my name will do. i look at my best friend with a cry for help in my eyes, am i really doing this?!

i thought that was it. introduce. show the film. and we are out of there.

turns out, there were 2 showing of the film. meaning, i have to introduce the movie again on the next viewing. and to top it of with a cherry, there is a question and answer forum about the movie after the viewing. yes, my friend is really trying to kill me. and this time not slowly anymore.

confession: i haven't watched the film. i only know of its synopsis through the script i was about to read.

now, i am obliged to watch the movie. and stay all the way through the end. another confession, i don't watch local films.

tic tac, tic tac. lights dimmed. student organizer started the program. my hands all sweaty holding the piece of paper i was about to read. and then, my name was called..

as i stand behind the podium, consciously reading the script. voice in my head saying "don't mess up the words!" great. that will sure help me out.

then, i hear myself say "maligayang panonood." i am done. whew!

went back to my seat. watched the movie. and i must say, bravo. good story, good acting, good cinematography, good sequencing, good twist and good ending. all in all, 4.75 stars. in my opinion at least.

credits rolling. lights opened. this is it. the Q&A. and i was halfway processing the movie.

we were called back to the front of the venue. biting my lips a hundredth time, i think. and the questions started coming and i started answering, with my friend's help with the technical aspect of the film.

it is a miracle. i tell you it is. a sudden calmness overpowered me, and i couldn't wait for the next question to be asked. i tried my best to answer.

the film is about change. change your life. change your perspective. and hope for change. the one aspect in life that i am currently trying to do. change.

now i know, this is not a coincidence. i was placed in a situation to give my 2 cents thought on the quering minds of the youth. this is my chance to inspire and to be heard. and to somehow influence in an indirect manner.

its not just about teaching them, but us learning as well.  i was overwhelmed with how they took the film and relate it to different factors of life. how others see the smallest detail that some didn't and how it has a great contribution to the film. how they raised questions without fear wanting for answers. that to me is a blessing.

even through the next viewing, the feedback was tremendous. how the unending "thank you" and appreciation was given to us, connotes that we did a good job.

now i understand. my friend doesn't owe me a favor, i owe her. for this experience not only thought me to trust myself. it also thought me to open my eyes on whatever event that happens in your life is a learning.

not just because we are older than them that we have everything figured out.

life will give us impromptu situations. and we will feel we were set up.

but this time, instead of asking Why.
maybe, we should start asking How.

~A



shout out to my friend, kata. thanks dude! it was a great experience indeed. next project, here we come.

Chaotic Order

Chaos n. extreme confusion or disorder; the state of matter before it was reduced to order by the creator. - adj. Chaotic, confused.

who would have thought that Webster could be that smart?! "Chaos; the state of matter before it was reduced to order by the Creator." now, we can take the last word literally or spiritually. the latter is much powerful, don't you think?

life can be so ironic.  when we thought everything is in perfect set-up, a sudden jolt of earthquake shakes the order. from there, we wallow in self-pity. why? its just a way of putting us back to reality.

you can be in order with your life but still suffer chaos inside. as one friend told me, we try too hard to control our lives, to bring order, to set certain standards that we thought would make it perfect. but instead our pride eats us alive. when we think we are in control, the more our life turns upside down.  funny isn't? but when we acknowledge that we have no control,  we find destination, we discover ourselves, we get answers, we find peace.

what is worse than a chaotic mind? a chaotic heart and belief. we strive to take over our lives based on how we want it to be.. and yes, we often do get there. unfortunately, on a momentary period. we set so such order that makes it more chaotic.  we are a classic sample of disarray. we just don't want to accept it.

accepting our weakness is one step in finding order in life. when we realize our weakness and work on it, it helps lessen the chaos in our heart.

Often times, we try to run away from the struggles. we try to pattern our life on the way we want it for our convenience.  when we foresee that something bad might happen, we shift to another pattern and work from there, still for our convenience.  A quick tip: the more you run away from the troubles, it will keep running after you.  face it head on.

look at yourself in the mirror, can you truthfully say to yourself that you are content with where your life is right now? don't lie to yourself.

the more we try to be in control, the more we neglect the other aspects of our life.  the more we don't see the purpose and meaning why we are placed in this world.

the moment we decide to get out of our comfort zone and step inside the trials and struggles, the less our battle with our inner chaos. it will also bring us closer to Him. accepting that we can't control everything, realizing that there will be continuous heartaches, learning the lessons that life is presenting to us, letting go and letting God redirect our life.

so, is your life in chaotic order? maybe you should start letting go and give in to the purpose that life has planned for you. i cannot promise a struggle-free life, but i assure you that there are better things to come. far better than when we think we are in control.

indeed, chaos is a state of matter before it was reduced to order by our CREATOR.

now, who said life is unfair?





~A

Back Home

i have been putting it off for almost four years, and i don't know why i did it.  you could say i lost my way in some point.  and it hasn't been easy since then.

but now, am back. and glad i did.

due to the massive traffic in SLEX on a rush hour, i decided to take the bus to Makati.  my sprained ankle hasn't completely healed, it won't able to handle the endless stop and go.no traffic driving for me.

it's nice to just sit back and enjoy the ride. i was even able to catch up on my book reading and a nap on the way.

i haven't been to Makati for a very long time. and i must say, i was somewhat culture shocked with the changes that have taken place over the years of my haitus.

the flood of people walking around is amazing.  it sure is a district of everything.  from malls, to offices, to restos, to whatever.

it is the place where every type of people co-exist.  may it be gay, straight, old, young, weird, plain. all types, all class. but i must admit, i am not a fan of mobs and huge crowd.  that is why i seldom go to generic malls.

i forgot about the long walk i have to endure from the bus stop to the location. as i started walking, slowly i am regretting not bringing a car.  it was a long walk.

but when i got there. it was worth the steps. and my ankle didn't seem to mind.

finally i am here.  my feet (even if injured) has brought me to the place i need to be. ReSoul Onstage, Bread of Life Ministries.

i was a stubborn child. i thought i can handle things alone. no need for his guidance. no need for His blessing. and when things don't work out, even if i neglected the presence, He never failed to be known.

yes, this i think is a spiritual blog. so better get your hearts ready. this will be heavy.. am rhyming again.

Coach Edgar from BOL Bataan was the guest speaker for the night. eager to know what the topic is, i impatiently wait.

and then he said it.. CHANGE. coincidence? i don't think so.

God was speaking to me. yes, change.

i was leaning my way to what i think was right, when moments are telling me its not. but i didn't listen. i am happy, and i didn't care. like i said, i was stubborn.

He was showing me that its not yet time for some things, but i insisted on my own wanting.  and where did it get me? broken and confused.

let me share a few details from the service and hopefully somehow will make you think too.

"the mind is a battlefield where all the decisive battles of life are won or lost."  it talks about Mindset Transformation.

we sometimes want to change the people and situation around us.  when it doesn't happen, we get frustrated and distress.  when He is telling us, that we should first change ourselves.  it should start from within, and everything around will follow.

as Leo Tolstoy put it, "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

our actions are brought about by our thoughts. it is influenced by the mind.

(based on Coach Edgar's teachings) How to change your thinking?
stage 1: changing the way you think will not come automatically.  it doesn't happen overnight. don't rush.
stage 2: changing the way you think will require effort.  it takes a great deal of work. you don't just think of changing. you must act too and follow through.
stage 3: changing the way you think is worth the investment.  the patience and effort will be worth it.
stage 4: changing the way you think can be the best gift you can give to others.  as you change your thinking, the body will follow. then people around you will take notice.  and inspire them to do the same to better their life.

Change. one of the biggest hurdle i am in for the past few months. i was too scared to get out of my comfort zone.  too coward to take risks.  too frighten to take the next step. and now, the time has come.

God has answered my question. He just needs me to see and realize. He needs me to let go.  He needs me to give up my hearts desire. for a better reward awaits for those who are patient. 

its time i change my mindset. its time i change. and this time.. i am not backing out.

a new life awaits.

~A

The Confession

i guess when you are an artist, you look at things in a different perspective.  you challenge your mind to the depth rather than the shallow end. you sometimes let emotions overpower your judgment and free will. your creativity attack brings confusion to people.  and your words are never transparent.

being an artist has its perks.  you have a lot of excuses to be weird and misunderstood.

you could say, i am a self-proclaimed artist.

i have my moods. i have my moments. i have my doubts. i have my criticism. i have my heart. i have my mind. and i have my soul.

this represents how i am and how i react to the world around me.

my words can speak a thousand truths or can cover a one lie.  but consistently, it will come from something honest and true.

this blog may appear as indulgent, narcissistic even. but its a little glimpse of who i am, what am becoming and who i will become.

i am superwoman.. NOT!

my poetry is usually a mirror of sentiments.  sometimes my own. sometimes the emotions i get from others. and sometimes it just come with no particular reason.

my shots is the mirror of my world, the life around and the miracle of existence.

my creations is the mirror of my skills.  pushed by inspirations that propels evidence of  vision.

my writings is the mirror of my heart and soul. its a reflection of empathy and animosity all at the same time.


and everything else.. is a reflection of me.

my stubbornness and persistence are like blessings in disguise.  because it signifies commitment and conviction. it allows my spirit to not give up.  it heeds me to the direction that i need to follow through.  and its what brings me closer to Him.

some people may not fathom my radical being and sudden positive outburst.  its who i am becoming.  as experiences push me further and further to the clarity of my existence, i carry the will to endure the hurt.

i take hurt as a blessing.  for it reminds me to live. it protects me from being stagnant. and it makes me realize that there is abundance of relief after distress.

i take pride with people around me. as they teach me and inspire to be the person that i am becoming.  for the haters, it encourages me to be more vigilant and perceptive. they teach me the value of patience and humility.

for the kids that i encounter, every moment makes me thankful of what is given.  that happiness is not about what you have, but its about appreciating what you have.  may it be big or simple.  and the fact that happiness is not measured, it is felt.

letting go is an art of resilience.  it is not in us to deprive what is deserving for others.  its about presenting greater possibilities that enables each to grow and evolve.

nobody is perfect, not even the Pope. but what we can be, is to be the being that we are created to be.  to accept without remorse, to endure without refusal, to fail without blame, to conquer without fear and to love without shame.

all this i carry in me as i continue my journey.  all this i keep in my heart as i face off with new defiance. all this i glue to my soul as i am a child of obedience.

this is my confession.
this is me.
i am an artist.

hate me, love me, criticize me.
i am what i am built to be.


~A

Click Addict

photography is probably one of the longest interest i carry since childhood.  i guess you could say, i got influenced by my dad.

i may not have the most sophisticated digital photo gadgets, but my hunger for creativity gives justice to my Samsung S860 8.1 mega pixels.  i am happy.

i don't even have the computer skills to edit pictures, but that is one on my to-do-in-life list. i am in no hurry. i use what i have for now, my eyes and my heart.

i don't just take pictures any chance i get. i click what interest me. i click when it tells me a story. for the exception of food though, everything about it interest me.

some of the people close to me would tease me on my neurotic urge to take pictures on the most weird, bizarre timing and subject. but it is what catch me and i don't stop until i get the shot.

that is why all my clicks have titles.  because it has a story that inspires me.  its not just a still subject you suddenly fascinate about.  there is more to pictures than you can ever imagine.  you can develop thousands of stories in one angle.

so i thought of sharing some of the clicks i have and tell the story behind it.

this shot took me almost 20 minutes to get. people around are starting to think  m crazy. but i have to get the most intense shot.

its the circle of life.  its a bug's life. that's what they do all day. fly, sip and save. a lot like our life.

we choose a job, we work on it and we save.

this inspires me in so many ways. and it was a one time shot. its a fallen dried leaf on the shores of Caramoan island.

it represents the past.  it represents us. it represents life.

there are things in life we go through, we experience and we learn. after that, we move on and start a new leaf.

this gives a perspective of our past and how it strengthens us for the future. if a leaf hasn't fallen, no new leaf can grow.

if we can't let go of the past, we can never develop our future.

this struck me in so many levels.

its an old, wear out stone statue placed on the side of a catholic church near our village.

the eyes is the window of our soul and a reflection of our emotion.  even with that meek smile, you see a sadness in the eyes.

moving, at least for me.

believe it or not, i didn't choreograph the placement of the stick and the leaf.

it was a flowing river in Iwahig Palawan.

i called it life line, for the raging water represents our will to move on.  the stone represents our strength to fight.  the leaf speaks a new beginning. and the twig represents the past.

rain usually connotes gloominess, sadness and boredom.

but for me, rain represents new life. it washes away the impurities of our heart and mind. and the raindrops are reminders that there is hope to clean our spirit.

what can i say, i love rain.

this was a steep stairway in an outreach location 

called it steps, cause it represents the struggles we face everyday.how we keep on moving, taking small steps to better our lives. 

how it won't be easy, but if we continue to endure we will soon get to the top and see the view.

for me rose represents a quiet beauty.

i am not a fan of flowers, but this compelled me to appreciate its essence.

how it radiates strength and sutleness all at the same time.  like the story of a woman.. a mother, a wife and a daughter.

end note:  now, i take my digital camera with me everywhere i go. because the world is full of surprises. i will continue clicking, i will continue to see the stories. call me a click addict.  for when i click, a learning comes with it. 

~A

Manic Monday

today was rather an interesting day.  its a monday. and i love mondays. i'm no garfield.

maybe because i actually don't have a weekend to look forward to, cause i work 7 days a week.  and monday is like any other day. no TGIFridays for me too.

am i complaining? not really. maybe because i have gotten used to it. i have been doing it for almost 10 years now. so i guess at this point, its too late for a whining spree.

but there's something about monday i look forward to.  its the first day of the week. and i see it as a new day to start over with life. reboot and restart.

majority of people are allergic to mondays. its back to work, back to school. back to the routinary things that you simply want to get away from.  not to mention the hangover you accumulate over the weekend.

what is it really about monday?

monday for me signifies a new beginning.  it magnitize me to look forward for an adventure, a miracle and a learning.  may it be small or huge.

i left early than usual to do some on-the-way errands. i stopped over at SLEX Shell Gas station to buy some breakfast. as i was paying for my morning gatorade, this two late teens (couples i think) next to me where fighting over what to buy. ah yes, young love. arguing about anything and everything. been there, done that.

but holding up the line as they argue is something else. i believe its about respect in your surrounding. its not about holding back, but about knowing when. consider the people around, and how they can be affected with the counting seconds of your scene stealer. its called consideration.

surely an adventure.

as i was approaching my exit, i can see from afar the toll clerk looking bored, sleepy or may even be bothered by something.  but am sure that that was not a happy face. as luck would have it, EPASS is still on system repair so i have to pay the toll fee manually. meaning rolling down my window, and stretch my arms as i hand the toll card and coins. effort!

i always say things happen for a reason. and this is one example.

for anyone who knows me, i am not sociable in the morning. i am like a diesel engine, who needs to warm up a bit before i can fully function as a decent human being. but i do greet everyone i encounter. my dad taught me to always say Good morning, thank you and please.

so as i roll down my window and hand out my fee, i said good morning. suddenly the toll clerks face lighten up. and gleefully said "goodmorning mam".. was i the first one to tell her that? as i was about to drive, i said "thank you" and she said "thank you mam sa pag good morning nyo, ingat po sa byahe!" (thank you mam for greeting me good morning and drive carefully)

i guess you'll never know how one gesture can change a person's mood or even change her perspective about life. good and bad side. so don't be afraid to smile and greet people you meet everyday.  your simple "thank you" may be just what they need to jumpstart or end their day with hope. you learn everyday.

but the morning doesn't end there.

i drove my mom at my former art class student's house for a business meeting with her dad.  when i got there, she was all smiles. and i asked her if she remembers me, and she shouted "yes, you're teacher ann!" and ran towards me and hug me.  how sweet was that!

so while my mom was having a meeting with her dad, i was conversing with this 6 year old sweetheart. she was telling me about school and her pet chow chow strangely named fluppy.  then she suddenly ran to the kitchen and disappeared for a good 10 minutes. when she came back she brought food for me.  and her nanny told me that she doesn't want help and she prepared the food all by herself. and said "no, i'll do this. this is for teacher ann!" talk about independent for a 6 yr old.

i am lucky if my students remember my name, let alone remember my face. and i can say i am privilege enough that all the kids i have encountered in my years of teaching still remembers me. that to me is a miracle.

with the 3 incident at the start of my monday, gave a whole new perspective on how i went on with the remaining of my day.

an adventure, a learning and a miracle. life has these everyday. we just have to open our eyes and heart to see and feel what the world is saying.  let us not focus too much on our own wanting and be more sensitive to the needs of the norms around us.

you'll never know.  your simple words or your meek smile can change someone's life. even save it too.

so you see, monday is not that bad.
just have to look at it in a different manner. it might change you too.

~A

Blast from the Past

stayed home on a Sunday morning to do some uber delayed chores. usually when i do stuff around the house, i need to have some noise (music or TV) on the background to keep me going. for today, its the teli.

i don't watch local channels much, so i am very dependent on cable.  the suspect for today, Star Movies Channel. what's on? Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. talk about old school flick.

Ted is played by a goofy looking, awkward walking, silly talking keanu reeves.  the matrix guy has gone a long way after that.

i think this is the genre where the words "dude", "awesome" and "totally" got popularized.  and who would ever forget those invisible guitar riffs when they are ecstatic. classic.

when i watched it in my early teens (not giving away my age of course..) its mostly about 2 lame best friends, funny antics, silly humor and just plain fun movie.

but now, having viewed it again. I have a different perspective with the story.  weird, i know. maybe its me, growing up? maturing perhaps? or nothing better to do?

i haven't seen a movie who has God, grim ripper, humans, aliens, even albert einstein get together to fight the futuristic Bill & Ted robotic evil version. 

i mean.. good, evil, weird, crazy, wise mixed in past, present and future.. how interesting is that?! 

segue: thinking about movies and life. i guess, you could say they go hand in hand. 

going through the plot of the story, the real bill and ted are off to have a dream come true on joining battle of the bands to hopefully kick off their music careers. then an evil character from the future makes a reel bill and ted to kill that dream. 

we have our own dreams, our aspirations.. and when we finally get there, some people tend to pull us down. for Filipinos, its the classic "crab mentality." why do people do it? of envy? despite? bitterness? insecurity? who knows!

like in the movie, in the end they ask God how to defeit the fakes. even the grim ripper knows where to run to with the predicament.

in life.. when all hope is gone, we run towards the last resort we can think of. God. when you think about it, it is quite unfair that we only recognize Him when we are on the deepest end. during the happy-filled sugarcoat moments, He doesn't even slip our minds. Does it bother Him? of course Not!

complex as it may sound, but its simple when you look beyond it. 

i don't want to come across as spiritual, we are talking about the bogus journey here.  kinda ruins the whole spirituality theme, right?

situations we dealt with, the people we meet and encounter, the journey we have to walk through.. all has a purpose, has a meaning. 

Bill and Ted realized the importance of their friendship, their dream and the people around them at the end of the movie. acted in a loser, uncanny but somewhat funny kind of way.  

movies most often have happy endings, but life doesn't. it's not always bed of roses, sometimes it has torns. it is up to you to remove those torns and throw away the old petals to give room to the new ones.

we may pattern our lives through the plot of films, in the end, there is only one thing that will matter.  where are we going to run after the credit rolls.

so dude! totally live your life! 
do the invisible guitar riffs.
maybe get the same hairstyle too. 
awesome!




~A
 

The Quiet Noise

words are just words. noise are just noise. we can shout our lungs from the rooftop. the question still remains.. is there essence to the noise?

we can say whatever we want to say, but are we uttering what needs to be understood? words, i believe, are double-entendre.

a friend quoted a phrase by Alan Greenspan, "i know you think you understand what you thought i said, but i'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant."  very powerful. very compelling.

by nature, human beings choose to hear only what they want to hear.  rebuff what is perplex to the ear. we succumb to the sound but not with the content.  we cast our senses to what appeals to our liking.  

the same goes with what we convey.  Are we really divulging the depth of the context or we simply choose to disregard for the satisfaction of the receiver? we are muddled with the dilemma.

"action speaks louder than words." an overuse phrase, sometimes make-do as an excuse. 

I call it.. the quiet noise.

we can speak the phrases of our emotions, but is the emotion itself rising above the words?  a person can simply say "i am okay," but to what extent of the word implies the truth.  the gestures we exhibit are more profound and revealing of a human's soul. 

the noise of our actions are more potent than the unending vocabulary that we speak.  

the stifle tears in our eyes, the tranquil smile in our face, the calm rest of our hands, the broad stillness of our shoulders.. all magnifies the true meaning of what we feel.  It shouts and roars the enigma of our hearts without making utter noise.

we sit in the silence of the air and can express the longing and yearning of our soul.  we can close our eyes and expose our deepest desire. we simply hold a hand and signify support.

a smile can sustain tons.  a tear can break distance. a touch can calm an ache. a shrug can explain everything.

Ssssshhhh.. 
sit still and heed to the quiet noise.




 




~A

Green Apple

you might be wondering of the "green apple" title for this blog.  if you are a two-way radio chat fanatic way back in the early 90's, then you know that "green apple" means first-timer.

yes, i am a first-timer blogger. let this serve as a warning for those who may chance upon this page and read whatever that pops in my head at the moment of profundity. i am not a writer. i am grammatically and vocabulary challenged. so beware.

majority of my close friends say, i am an opinionated person. i beg to differ. i am simply an outburst of mind chaos. its not me talking but my alter ego.. blame her, not me.

now, the greater challenge is what to write, what to say, what to convey.. without sounding self-indulgent.  what the heck, this is my blog right? i can say whatever.

segue: in connection with the whole "first-timer" theme.. or whatever you want to call it, i have been challenging myself for a month now to do something new everyday.  So far, so good.  Some, i will definitely NOT gonna do again. although there are things that i have tried and loved it.. and doing it since.

i am not gonna enumerate all the things i have tried and done.. the fact that some are somewhat senseless or i just think it is. 

what inspired me to do this absurd challenge? if you call it that. well, as you grow old (not that i am.. and stop making that face!) you get to think of alot of things in your life.  or maybe i was in the moment of sulking myself in laziness, like nothing-better-to-do-type thing?

seriously, i hear and see people do this and that.  i figured, i can do those things. i just need a push, an inspiration, a smack on the head.. and boy! did i got the three. lucky me, huh?

its not about doing something big, but starting on something small. then slowly make your way up, as you challenge yourself more and more. is it working for me? i guess. i am not gonna vaunt that its easy, because its freakin' Not! but quite frankly, its liberating.

 

i would sometimes say to myself, "why the heck are you doing this anyway? its not like its doing you any good!" well, surprisingly.. it does do something to you.  people may not understand, but you are doing it for you. and hopefully inspire somebody in the process of your insanity.

one good example: engaging in this blog. people may read it or they won't. the point my dear readers (if there's any).. is that i did it! 

it might sound trite but life is too short. too short to wonder, but its long enough to travail. so what are you waiting for? 

be a green apple everyday.








~A