The Waiting Game

Ah yes, patience. we all seem to struggle with it one time or another.

waiting is never fun. waiting can be painful. it can be frustrating. it can be depressing. it can be annoying. but it also can be good.

i am a very patient person. but sometimes, it can test my strength, my will and my weakness. it has challenged me too many times that it seems tiring. but when i see the aftermath, i understand. the sacrifice it takes, the hurt you endure and the outcome that answers everything.

we are born stubborn. we are created to crave. we are design to want. we are built to desire.

we are set by the norm to want, to rush, to grab quickly and to hurry. when we want, we want it now. we want instant results. we want immediate answers.

we are never a master in the waiting game.

recently, i have my patience tested. wanting something so much can be devastating. i couldn't comprehend. questions fill my head. blaming myself and others. and where did it get me? right where i started from. because i still have to wait. answers will come, the moment will happen. but i have to wait. and before i could understand, i need to let go.

its how far your faith goes and how much you want it that you are willing to risk and let go.

and so.. i let go..

its never easy. waiting is not fun. you wrestle with your thoughts and your emotions. asking yourself, "when will it happen? when will i get there?"

do we get our answer? no we don't. because in our head, it only process what we want to hear.. not what we must hear.

you will get there and it will happen. but we must realize that waiting is our journey to finding the worth of our existence. sometimes, waiting is the answer.

two of my best friends are in a battle of the waiting game. their spirit is being washed down. their faith is almost at the edge of shakiness. here i am battling my own waiting game, and i say to them.. "have patience, it will come. Have faith. It will happen in His time."

its not just an advice or a relief from their distress. i say it, i mean it. because i am going through with it. its not just a word of wisdom for them, but for myself as well.

everybody succumbs to the waiting game.  may it be in career, relationship, family or health. it can be big or it can be small. we tend to be fragile when we want what we want. we should allow the universe to work its way to the conclusion of our fate.

yes its a cliche, but i am saying it anyways.. Everything happens for a reason.

what you do not get, means there is bigger reward.  what you do not get yet, means a better learning journey. and what you do get, means that your wait was worth it.

so don't look at the waiting game as an agony, but as a gift. a gift that opens your mind to possibilities and opens your heart to the wonders of life. 

for every minute that passes, leads us to the steps of a stronger will. every day that counts, leads us to the steps of wisdom. and every wait that we do, leads us to the steps of fulfillment.

patience.
everyone has it but not everyone use it.
waiting is never fun but it is sure worth it.




~A

The Finish Line

alarm clock buzzing like crazy at 2:30am. i snoozed and slept for 5 minutes more. buzzing again. i snoozed. buzzing again. i have to get up. its 3am. this is it. no turning back. i set my mind on doing this. i am not backing out now.

i was supposed to go with a friend, but due to unavoidable circumstances she couldn't make it at the last minute. now i have to figure out how to get there on commute.. alone. i am starting to have second thoughts. will i go or will i stay home and sleep. the latter sounds more enticing. but no. i fought for this. i am going through with it.

dark out. eerie silence. all asleep on a 4am weekend and i am walking.

will i make it at 6am?.. thought racing in my head. not a lot of commuters on a weekend that early. i anxiously wait. finally, we are leaving. clock ticking. will i make it at 6am.. i have to, i have to.

it took me three jeepney rides to get to where i am supposed to be. but i made it at 6am!

now i know, God is with me.

looking back:  3 weeks ago, i sprained my right ankle while doing my usual night run. blame it on the puddle of water and rusty shoes. result, no running for 3 weeks.

after 2 weeks, i thought it will be healed. but as the doctor puts it, "no marathon for you." did i listen? obviously not.

people kept telling me not to go through with it.. and i was about to be convinced. but something inside me is saying.. Go!

the race begins: the sirens sound. off we go. first 50meters was a good trail. 1k came and i was in total panic. seeing the uphill rocky steps, i was starting to doubt myself if i could finish it. 3 weeks no running. not a good sign.

step by step i ran the course. i focused myself on my feet and the path. i didn't look uphill. my feet, that is my concern. do not slip. one wrong step and i am a goner.

rocks getting bigger. road getting muddier. uphill getting steeper by the minute. focus. focus. do not hurt yourself.

i reached the 2.5K uphill. now its downhill. this is going to be a breeze. so i thought. gravity is pulling much harder than it should. still the rocky, muddy trail. one wrong step and i'll be rolling my way down to the finish line. which i think doesn't count?

i ran. i ran as carefully but with more speed this time. trying to fight gravity as well. before i knew it, i can see the finish line from a distance. 

as runners make their way, marshals and organizers cheers on for every person nearing the finish line. it helped. a stranger telling you "go 5K runner! you can do it!" over and over again as you reached the line. and everyone else cheering you on. it helped.

i finished at 51 minutes and 43 seconds for the 5k (3.1 miles) run, without hurting myself.

for a clutz like me, it was a miracle.

realization: yes, i am stubborn. we have established that with my previous blogs. but i know, this one.. is a challenge.

you will never know unless you try.  and i can't wait for another marathon to come. my mind and body was set for this.

of course, the goal is to finish the race. in my case, completing the 5K.but i didn't know that i was running the race even before the day of the marathon.

in life, we all have a race to run. a marathon to endure. and a finish line to reach.

the finish line is the icing on the cake. the journey we battle, uphill and downhill is what brings essence to the pursuit of our goal.

my marathon start way long before i even sprained my ankle. and it challenged me to be stronger and more committed.

i have been to the rocky path, to the slippery decisions and to the muddy outcomes. but i endured. i focused on the step. i sprained my ego, but it healed. i fight through it with friends, even strangers, cheering me to go on. and sometimes i fight through it alone.

its never a smooth route to the finish line. even when you think it is. trails can be deceiving. people can be uninviting. but its how you ran the trail, the path, the course, the route.. the decision to move forward despite the negativity around. the conviction to pursue and complete. and the faith in yourself and to God.

i ran my marathon alone today, with no support from anyone. but i was not afraid, i was not devastated.

i know i have one Support that will carry me through all the way to the finish line.


~A