Metamorphosis

Change [v]. to make or become different; transform; modify or alter; shift or switch.

Change is inevitable.  No one can stop it.  No one can manipulate it.  It happens.  It can happen gradually or it can happen in an instant.  We may be ready for it, but most of the time... we are not. 

Change isn’t always pleasant.  More often than not, we spurn about it.  Because it jumbles our comfort zone.  It disrupts the habit.  It upsets the routine of our existence.  We want what we are used to doing.  It doesn’t really take us anywhere.  It doesn’t make us grow.  It doesn’t progress our well-being.  But we abide.  Because we fear the new and unknown.

We sometimes settle for less, rather than explore other possibilities.  We prolong the silent agony of being stuck.  We procrastinate as much as we can, until somebody comes along and take the change for us.  Not much of a good idea.

We can hide, but we cannot run.  No matter how we tumble and turn to avoid it, it will catch on to us.  The more effort we exert steering clear of it, the painful change can get.  Why? To make us learn the lesson for our stubbornness. 

We sometimes say, people change.  Yes, they do.  But the bigger question is… have you?  

We cannot force change to anyone, as much as we want too.  It has to begin within.  It is not about changing the person, but helping the person realize, analyze and materialize.  We can push and shove for people to change… but it will never work out.  We cannot rally around people to change if it is not in their hearts.  We cannot coerce change if we ourselves refuse to change.

We can ignore it.  We can disregard when it says “hello”.  We can snub the idea for as long as we can.  Newsflash:  it is not going anywhere.  If you can extend the delay for as much as you can, change can wait longer.  It is not a race.  We can run away from it but we will never cross the finish line.  We will just run around in circles until we get frustrated and exhausted. 

Change isn’t the enemy.  Fear is. 

We fear the unfamiliar.  We fear a new world.  We panic at the sight of the unusual.  A caterpillar embraces its metamorphic destiny into a magnificent butterfly.  It doesn’t know how they will look like after the transformation, but they adapt to it.  Because it’s the balance of life.  It is the way it has to be.  That is their fate.  That is how they were built.  And it is not very different from us.  We were built to grow, to develop, to mature, to transform and to accept. 

We can decline.  It is our free-will.  But prepare to sink in the quicksand of stagnant existence.  We can gloat for not changing, but prepare to be left behind.   

We refuse but we complain.   

We say no but we want results.   

We scrap the idea but we want shine and shimmer.   

We snub the thought but we want happy ending.

Every living thing change, adapt and grow. We need to spread our wings and fly.  We cannot stay stuck crawling on the crackling branches and wait for the leaves to wither. We must liberate ourselves from the comfort of our cocoon. 

Don’t wait to be sunk in a whirlpool of regrets.  God gives us the road, it is up to us to walk on it.  It may have pot holes, rough stones and muddy hills, but He does not give us what we cannot carry. 

We may fear the unknown, but we know that what’s on the other side of the bridge will be a challenge to make us a better person.   It is not going to be an easy ride.  But we should rather ride the train that cross the tunnel to the other side than wait on the side bars and wonder what may happen.

I choose to change.

and I choose to embrace it.

I opt for What Can

instead of What If.  

~A

The Moon and the Mars

we crave to find possibilities and wonders in life but we choose to live in the ordinary.  we settle for facts, we settle for routine and we settle for what is available in front of us.  we are scared to go beyond our vision, scared to look on the other side of the fence and fearful for what the other door may bring.

life is what we make it, as they say.  it serves true to its core.  the choices we make reflects in our existence. you are what you choose to become.  if you want no effort, life doesn't give you one.. but don't expect for a big return.  reward comes from strive. if you wait for the fruit to fall from the tree, the only view you'll see are the leaves.

its a proven fact: our body aches more when we are not doing anything. our mind depletes when we stop thinking. and our soul losses essence when we stop believing.

life shows us directions and we have the freedom to choose which path to take and tackle. Yes, we have to be realistic. we have to be responsible and we have to be mature.  But maturity not only stand on being dead serious of matters, sometimes a little craziness is what makes us sane. Be not afraid to color your life with diversity.. but with the sense of commitment.  Be not afraid of curiosity.. but with the sense of honesty.

we dream of things. we hope for content. we want the full effect. but we stand still on the stone of idleness. the rocks in the water only submerge on high tide but never moves far.  we have to go with the wave of possibilities and takes us to a shore that shows us a different picture.

possibilities are always present. we have to extend our arms and look at the moon for promise. as the moon set its white light, a promise of tomorrow awaits for a new day.  a new day to make a new life, new goals and new dreams.

the same goes with any relationship.  when we decide to sit on a stone and wait for things to turn. we only move as the earth moves an inch wherein not much activity takes place but a sore butt.  we have to challenge our spirit to take risk, jump on the edge and see where the breeze takes our trust.  discover new ground as we lay out our heart for occupancy.  appreciate each others worth and don't abuse emotional capacity. do not hope for a happy ending, for there should be no end in happiness.  jump on the other side of the fence, lock your hands together and feel the pulse of your destined existence.

life has a major sense of humor. if we don't learn to laugh with it, we are bound to crash on the sea of regrets and find ourselves at the beginning.  we should move forward as life push us to limitless possibilities.  carry a forgiving heart and a humble shoulder. leave the excess baggage of your past to a corner and free your shoulders from burdens that's holding you back to leap a mile. 

doodle your goals on your hand and draw your dreams in your heart.  an ink can only go so far, but the mind wanders to a never ending horizon that can lead us to mars.  life is what we make it.  so lets make one.. one that can be looked back with persistence and pride.

fly to the moon and visit the red planet.. live your life with hope and step in the realm of possibility.

you are who you choose to become.
choose to be a better you.


 
~tabs

The Big C

Life,  oh life. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. We find ourselves up and the next minute we’re down. We have the liberty to choose to go left or to go right. We are capable to go in or go out. We have the ability to step forward or to step backward. We can say yes and we can say no.

Life consists of choices.

Let’s go to the nitty-gritty of life. From waking up in the morning, we have a choice to get up when the alarm goes off or press the snooze button and take that extra 5 minutes of sleep. To going to bed at night, we have the choice to sleep early or stay up late to watch some TV or do extra work.

It's all about choice.

I hear people complain everyday how their lives have been, how it’s working against them, how luck seems to neglect them. It can go on and on and on till there is no possible adjective, noun, verb left in the English grammar to describe the blubber for their value of existence.

Everyone goes through it.

Life is like a marathon. We are trained to face the route. Some are farther than the others, but we strive to learn and endure the track. We set our mind to the goal that we want to achieve. We store energy to keep us moving, hydrating our soul and our heart to pursue the aspirations. We condition our mind to conquer the distance, constantly convincing ourselves that we can survive and defeat the length. We stumble and sometimes we fall, bruising and scraping our ego in the process, but we get up and compose ourselves. We get back to the race, we learn from the run and we finish.

It’s simply a matter of choosing to go forward.

There is no right and wrong choices, but there are good and bad ones. Whether you like the choices or not, to resolve such quandary, you have to pick one and eventually walk the steps of life.

Point me to someone who hasn’t made a bad choice in their life and I will go shake their hand and smack them on the head to wake them up in their world of pretend. We have all gone through it. But we also have the choice to rise up from the adversity, glue the broken pieces together and go on.

No one said that life is easy. No one said that we don’t have to make a choice. No one said that all choices lead to happy endings. It’s not about being negative. It’s about accepting the inevitable that no one can truly obtain a perfect decision, but we can achieve a sensible one.

We hate choices but we still do things that lead us to it. We try to avoid it, procrastinate as much as we can, but somehow it will continue to pull us in that direction.

We make choices based on logic and sometimes we make choices based on emotions. Either way, such outcome will bring us closer to what our purpose in life would be. We can reason all we want, we can analyze over and over again... in the end, the choices we make are the one that will shape our being.

Life will keep on throwing questions at you, questions that may hinder you to gaze on the positive and heave you to a stagnant state. You can choose to be lethargic or you can choose to be vigorous.

In conclusion, making choices means taking risks. Keep on moving with flexibility in hand and the patience in your heart that no matter wherever your decision takes you, it will eventually lead you to the course you need to be. To a place that you deservedly belong.

Break away from your comfort zone and explore other possibilities life can offer. 

For as long as we are living..

time will keep on moving... 

and choices will keep on coming.

~A 

Coffee, Tea... or Me?

In a world where people are idealistic about relationships, how far will one go to have a momentary happiness in a complicated world?

We can be in a simple relationship but still find ways to make it complicated. Maybe it's in our genes or maybe it was designed to be that way. Or maybe we are born masochist to our own pleasure of hurting ourselves> for the thrill of love.

On one boring night talking on the phone with my bestfriend and how he narrates the premiere opening of his love dilemma of the century, I wondered. Why do we always fall hard on unfamiliar territory, like a moth to a flame. It's like its pulling you closer to an oblivious state of mind.

Unfortunate enough, I am the pile of boxes of his many fallen relationships. My hopes to lessen the boxes of ambiguities and vagueness, for my sake, is still hanging by a thread. As I listen intently for what could be another predictable story, I start to marvel on his words.

"Was it right to enter in a complicated relationship?"

I circled the question for the hundredth time in my head trying to muster the right lie to satisfy his hungry rationality. Where does complication really fall? Is it on the situation or the person? Or maybe it works hand in hand. There's no right answer for it. Even a lie couldn't convince that urge.

To what extent do we really bend for an almost perfect relationship? Yes, it's hard to be in partnership with an erratic profession. As one takes flight, the other must adjust. Not to mention the excess baggage that hasn't been checked-in.

Sacrifices are part of the emotional investment we are willing to capitalize on. Risk is part of the unfamiliar and uncertainty. Trust is the asset. But what happens when it becomes a liability? A liability that gets you closer to a loss than a profit.

Will it be the coffee, the tea… or you?

Are you strong enough to be in a dark, hot but temporary enticing aroma which eventually leads to a cold blunt tasting predicament that stains? Are you stable enough to be in a comfortable, refreshing, relaxing but eventually leads to dehydrate the emotions? Or would you rather have a connection with the inner soul in you first, that gives essence to security?

Complications are only complicated because we make them. You can make your own coffee and be content with it. You can make your own tea and make it sweeter. You can make your own you and erase all the complexity.

I am no expert. I am no master. I am but a student in this thing called "the love race." 

I have tried the coffee.. 

I have taken the tea.. 

Lesson learned, everything should start with me.

~A

 

The Waiting Game

Ah yes, patience. we all seem to struggle with it one time or another.

waiting is never fun. waiting can be painful. it can be frustrating. it can be depressing. it can be annoying. but it also can be good.

i am a very patient person. but sometimes, it can test my strength, my will and my weakness. it has challenged me too many times that it seems tiring. but when i see the aftermath, i understand. the sacrifice it takes, the hurt you endure and the outcome that answers everything.

we are born stubborn. we are created to crave. we are design to want. we are built to desire.

we are set by the norm to want, to rush, to grab quickly and to hurry. when we want, we want it now. we want instant results. we want immediate answers.

we are never a master in the waiting game.

recently, i have my patience tested. wanting something so much can be devastating. i couldn't comprehend. questions fill my head. blaming myself and others. and where did it get me? right where i started from. because i still have to wait. answers will come, the moment will happen. but i have to wait. and before i could understand, i need to let go.

its how far your faith goes and how much you want it that you are willing to risk and let go.

and so.. i let go..

its never easy. waiting is not fun. you wrestle with your thoughts and your emotions. asking yourself, "when will it happen? when will i get there?"

do we get our answer? no we don't. because in our head, it only process what we want to hear.. not what we must hear.

you will get there and it will happen. but we must realize that waiting is our journey to finding the worth of our existence. sometimes, waiting is the answer.

two of my best friends are in a battle of the waiting game. their spirit is being washed down. their faith is almost at the edge of shakiness. here i am battling my own waiting game, and i say to them.. "have patience, it will come. Have faith. It will happen in His time."

its not just an advice or a relief from their distress. i say it, i mean it. because i am going through with it. its not just a word of wisdom for them, but for myself as well.

everybody succumbs to the waiting game.  may it be in career, relationship, family or health. it can be big or it can be small. we tend to be fragile when we want what we want. we should allow the universe to work its way to the conclusion of our fate.

yes its a cliche, but i am saying it anyways.. Everything happens for a reason.

what you do not get, means there is bigger reward.  what you do not get yet, means a better learning journey. and what you do get, means that your wait was worth it.

so don't look at the waiting game as an agony, but as a gift. a gift that opens your mind to possibilities and opens your heart to the wonders of life. 

for every minute that passes, leads us to the steps of a stronger will. every day that counts, leads us to the steps of wisdom. and every wait that we do, leads us to the steps of fulfillment.

patience.
everyone has it but not everyone use it.
waiting is never fun but it is sure worth it.




~A

The Finish Line

alarm clock buzzing like crazy at 2:30am. i snoozed and slept for 5 minutes more. buzzing again. i snoozed. buzzing again. i have to get up. its 3am. this is it. no turning back. i set my mind on doing this. i am not backing out now.

i was supposed to go with a friend, but due to unavoidable circumstances she couldn't make it at the last minute. now i have to figure out how to get there on commute.. alone. i am starting to have second thoughts. will i go or will i stay home and sleep. the latter sounds more enticing. but no. i fought for this. i am going through with it.

dark out. eerie silence. all asleep on a 4am weekend and i am walking.

will i make it at 6am?.. thought racing in my head. not a lot of commuters on a weekend that early. i anxiously wait. finally, we are leaving. clock ticking. will i make it at 6am.. i have to, i have to.

it took me three jeepney rides to get to where i am supposed to be. but i made it at 6am!

now i know, God is with me.

looking back:  3 weeks ago, i sprained my right ankle while doing my usual night run. blame it on the puddle of water and rusty shoes. result, no running for 3 weeks.

after 2 weeks, i thought it will be healed. but as the doctor puts it, "no marathon for you." did i listen? obviously not.

people kept telling me not to go through with it.. and i was about to be convinced. but something inside me is saying.. Go!

the race begins: the sirens sound. off we go. first 50meters was a good trail. 1k came and i was in total panic. seeing the uphill rocky steps, i was starting to doubt myself if i could finish it. 3 weeks no running. not a good sign.

step by step i ran the course. i focused myself on my feet and the path. i didn't look uphill. my feet, that is my concern. do not slip. one wrong step and i am a goner.

rocks getting bigger. road getting muddier. uphill getting steeper by the minute. focus. focus. do not hurt yourself.

i reached the 2.5K uphill. now its downhill. this is going to be a breeze. so i thought. gravity is pulling much harder than it should. still the rocky, muddy trail. one wrong step and i'll be rolling my way down to the finish line. which i think doesn't count?

i ran. i ran as carefully but with more speed this time. trying to fight gravity as well. before i knew it, i can see the finish line from a distance. 

as runners make their way, marshals and organizers cheers on for every person nearing the finish line. it helped. a stranger telling you "go 5K runner! you can do it!" over and over again as you reached the line. and everyone else cheering you on. it helped.

i finished at 51 minutes and 43 seconds for the 5k (3.1 miles) run, without hurting myself.

for a clutz like me, it was a miracle.

realization: yes, i am stubborn. we have established that with my previous blogs. but i know, this one.. is a challenge.

you will never know unless you try.  and i can't wait for another marathon to come. my mind and body was set for this.

of course, the goal is to finish the race. in my case, completing the 5K.but i didn't know that i was running the race even before the day of the marathon.

in life, we all have a race to run. a marathon to endure. and a finish line to reach.

the finish line is the icing on the cake. the journey we battle, uphill and downhill is what brings essence to the pursuit of our goal.

my marathon start way long before i even sprained my ankle. and it challenged me to be stronger and more committed.

i have been to the rocky path, to the slippery decisions and to the muddy outcomes. but i endured. i focused on the step. i sprained my ego, but it healed. i fight through it with friends, even strangers, cheering me to go on. and sometimes i fight through it alone.

its never a smooth route to the finish line. even when you think it is. trails can be deceiving. people can be uninviting. but its how you ran the trail, the path, the course, the route.. the decision to move forward despite the negativity around. the conviction to pursue and complete. and the faith in yourself and to God.

i ran my marathon alone today, with no support from anyone. but i was not afraid, i was not devastated.

i know i have one Support that will carry me through all the way to the finish line.


~A

Impromptu

tic tac, tic tac. heart beating fast. pulse racing. hands sweating. knees trembling. tic tac, tic tac. and they call my name...

speaking to a group of people isn't really my forte. i look relaxed every time i am in front of a crowd, but i am not. i am a great pretender.

i am not a writer. and i am definitely not a public speaker. but as i am standing behind the podium, all eyes in my direction. a sudden calmness took hold of me.

this may not be my skills, but if this is part of my calling who am I to fight it.

story: it was a normal, boring, work day on a Thursday.  when i suddenly got a phone call from one of my best friend in a panic mode. she asked if i could speak to a bunch of college students in University of the Philippines Los Banos.

they have a film viewing of the indie movie entitled "NOY" which my friend's company co-produce. all i have to do was introduce the film before the actual showing takes place.

i tried my best to get away from it, but something is telling me to say Yes.  so i did.

there was a short script to read. i am good. i am safe. this will be easy. nothing to worry about. got the text of the script... in Tagalog. my friend is slowly trying to kill me, i just know it.

i keep convincing myself, "i can do this! i can do this!"

it was a short brief on what to expect when we get there. in the one hour drive, i restlessly process in my head the script that was given to read. as we near UPLB, its started to hit me. no turning back. this is real.

the student organizers greeted us with enthusiasm. as we walk to the main venue, entered the location, i immediately roam my eyes on the number of seats. yes, this is not a joke.

we were seated at the front. one of the student emcee approached us and asked for my information on how to be introduced. just my name will do. i look at my best friend with a cry for help in my eyes, am i really doing this?!

i thought that was it. introduce. show the film. and we are out of there.

turns out, there were 2 showing of the film. meaning, i have to introduce the movie again on the next viewing. and to top it of with a cherry, there is a question and answer forum about the movie after the viewing. yes, my friend is really trying to kill me. and this time not slowly anymore.

confession: i haven't watched the film. i only know of its synopsis through the script i was about to read.

now, i am obliged to watch the movie. and stay all the way through the end. another confession, i don't watch local films.

tic tac, tic tac. lights dimmed. student organizer started the program. my hands all sweaty holding the piece of paper i was about to read. and then, my name was called..

as i stand behind the podium, consciously reading the script. voice in my head saying "don't mess up the words!" great. that will sure help me out.

then, i hear myself say "maligayang panonood." i am done. whew!

went back to my seat. watched the movie. and i must say, bravo. good story, good acting, good cinematography, good sequencing, good twist and good ending. all in all, 4.75 stars. in my opinion at least.

credits rolling. lights opened. this is it. the Q&A. and i was halfway processing the movie.

we were called back to the front of the venue. biting my lips a hundredth time, i think. and the questions started coming and i started answering, with my friend's help with the technical aspect of the film.

it is a miracle. i tell you it is. a sudden calmness overpowered me, and i couldn't wait for the next question to be asked. i tried my best to answer.

the film is about change. change your life. change your perspective. and hope for change. the one aspect in life that i am currently trying to do. change.

now i know, this is not a coincidence. i was placed in a situation to give my 2 cents thought on the quering minds of the youth. this is my chance to inspire and to be heard. and to somehow influence in an indirect manner.

its not just about teaching them, but us learning as well.  i was overwhelmed with how they took the film and relate it to different factors of life. how others see the smallest detail that some didn't and how it has a great contribution to the film. how they raised questions without fear wanting for answers. that to me is a blessing.

even through the next viewing, the feedback was tremendous. how the unending "thank you" and appreciation was given to us, connotes that we did a good job.

now i understand. my friend doesn't owe me a favor, i owe her. for this experience not only thought me to trust myself. it also thought me to open my eyes on whatever event that happens in your life is a learning.

not just because we are older than them that we have everything figured out.

life will give us impromptu situations. and we will feel we were set up.

but this time, instead of asking Why.
maybe, we should start asking How.

~A



shout out to my friend, kata. thanks dude! it was a great experience indeed. next project, here we come.